When a person has experienced damaging or abusive events in childhood, or has grown up in some form of chaotic, dysfunctional home environment, their early years epitomized a powerless absence of control and order or predictability in which their personal boundaries either disregarded, distorted or obliterate. The result, often, in adulthood is a compulsive, obsessive appetite to re-claim the control they never had. Control is both a power and boundary issue. When a child's boundaries have been consistently disregarded or obliterated, the pendulum will most often swing back to a debilitating need to control and micro-manage. They will not lack control in their life that proved so costly to them. The more personal their relationships become, the more intense the drive to micro-manage and control both circumstances and the behaviors of those about them. Boundaries are mangled in this kind of "control dance" in which the controller's boundaries are almost limitless and those being micro-managed can barely find enough air to breathe.
Deeply imbedded patterns of this sort will never fade away or die a natural death. Knowing how they got set up is essential to the process of dismantling these soulish messages. Such tapes do not get anchored into the soul's script casually. They are deeply rooted by high-voltage emotional moments or long-term circumstances. That which is anchored by intense emotion cannot be unhinged by cognitive means. Healing the raw tissue that has latched onto the need for predictability and control and perfection is the bedrock for success. It will take much work and outside help to get this internal labyrinth decoded and a new personal code of behaviors internalized.